Kindness
For a while now I have been thinking about the value of kindness and how we would all benefit from more of it in our lives. We need it because as Marcus Aurelius says, there is “an interconnectedness and mutual interdependence of all things in the universe.” In a recent blog post Ryan Holiday, author of the Daily Stoic blog, summed it up best, “to the Stoics, understanding how we are all connected and dependent on each other will prompt us to be good and do good for each other.”
And that is at the heart of kindness, being good and doing good for others.
I realized many years ago if I wanted my children to be kind, I had to model kindness for them by being kind to them, always, as well as expecting it of them. It had to be a value I lived every day. Have I been 100% successful? No, but I always try.
Kindness Starts with Oneself
We cannot be kind to others if we are not first kind to ourselves. Being kind to yourself can manifest in many different ways. It means not overcommitting your time and attention. It means eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercise. It means not having unrealistic expectations of yourself. And it means forgiving yourself when you make a mistake or fail to achieve something.
In doing these things you build your reservoir of kindness which you can then extend to others. And when in doubt about the kindest course of action, ask yourself how you would counsel a friend in a similar situation.
What Gets in the Way of Kindness
I do not know all the reasons why acting with kindness can be so hard at times. However, as I reflect on this question for myself it comes down to not following the advice above. More specifically, it might be because:
I am tired, preoccupied, or overextended.
I have adopted a success at all costs mentality.
I believe there is only one answer or solution.
I do not take the time to put myself in someone else’s shoes to understand their perspective.
I take something personally without realizing that often it is not about me at all but rather something else happening in the other person’s life.
I have unrealistic expectations about how much can be achieved in a given amount of time.
I have felt I needed to be seen as “strong.”
Lastly, kindness can take courage. Leading with kindness for women can be tough. Too often kindness is associated with being weak or soft, an inability to make the hard decisions, or not being up to the job. Nothing could be further from the truth. I only wish I had known this earlier in my life.
The Benefits of Kindness
While the benefits of kindness may seem obvious, I want to share a few thoughts from others that encourage a broader perspective on the topic.
“Kindness isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. Being kind doesn’t only benefit the people around you; research shows it also benefits your own mental health.” ~ HBS Management Tip of the Day, Commit To Kindness at Work, 10/16/23
“Spend more time with others and do things for them. When we do good, we feel good.” ~ This Will Make You Feel More Positive, 10/16/23
“In a world where rudeness and bad behavior are all too common, both at work and beyond, there is an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. Research reveals a concerning decline in manners and civility, leading to stress and productivity challenges in the workplace. While toxicity, denigration or disrespect need not be accepted, engaging around difficult coworkers can sometimes teach valuable lessons: how to lead by example, do your fair share, follow through, be detail-oriented, accept feedback, relate to others, and stand up against bad behavior. These lessons not only elevate your personal and professional life but also enhance the workplace culture.” ~ Sparked Insider: Tips & Resources to Spark Your Work & Life, What You Can Learn From a Difficult Co-worker, 10/13/23
Parting Thought
I do not think I have always led with kindness in my life. I would like to think I have more often than not, but I do know I am committed to doing so now. When someone asks me, “What are your strengths?” I want to be able to respond with absolute sincerity, “Kindness.”
May you find a little more kindness in your day today.
To be continued…
