My Love/Hate Relationship With Tradition

Before I jump into this week’s article, I’m excited to announce Holos has an Instagram account! I finally did it! Would love to have you follow me @holos_midlife. And now for the main event.

Tradition

To be honest, I have a love/hate relationship with tradition. This is a topic I think a lot about this time of year, between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Tradition is defined by dictonary.com as the handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs, information, etc., from generation to generation, especially by word of mouth or by practice; a long-established or inherited way or thinking or acting.

At its best tradition is a powerful marker of the passage of time. Traditions signify intention, the specialness and importance of a moment or a break from the day-to-day. They are a way to reconnect with our past.

On the other hand, traditions can feel restrictive, boring, and tiring. The antithesis of creativity. There needs to be a balance between the structure and grounding tradition can provide and the opportunity for the new, the random, and the unexpected. I believe there always should be room for new traditions and for existing traditions to evolve and change without guilt.

Midlife, an Opportunity for New Traditions

I think my struggle with tradition has to do with the aspect of midlife which beckons me to “reexamine my most basic assumptions.” It is an opportunity to see where exist the boring or uninspiring routines and actions in the days, weeks, months, and years of my life. Why continue with them if they feel tired and empty, do not bring joy, or reflect my life today versus 5, 10 or more years ago?

This reexamination begs me to be intentional with how I mark time. It means following traditions or creating new ones which engage me in the specialness of a moment and elicit positive emotions. And getting rid of those which do not.

In the last few years, I have found our holiday traditions staid and uninspired. For example, we often host Thanksgiving as we love to gather family and to entertain. For me, the most important part of hosting Thanksgiving is being able to spend time with family. But what I also love about hosting is the opportunity to create different experiences. Through the food, the décor, the setting. And if these things are always the same, it dampens my creative spirit and some of my overall engagement.

Rather than the traditional turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and gravy, I have visions of a Mexican food themed Thanksgiving. Making tortillas, turkey enchiladas or tamales, an avocado, jicama, and orange salad. Green beans with roasted pumpkin seeds, a plate of crab nachos to start. And hey, happy to incorporate cranberries into dessert if needed!

We have already begun to shift our Christmas traditions to reflect life with 3 teenage boys. When my kids were small and woke up at the crack of dawn, we were all up early to open presents. The excitement couldn’t be contained until after breakfast. And now? They slowly make their way downstairs after the sun has been up for hours.

Do I miss the unbridled excitement? Yes! Do I miss Christmas morning being over by 8 am? No! Now we open stockings, take a break for coffee/hot chocolate and treats, open presents, and then have breakfast. It is much more relaxed. Will it always be this way, probably not, which is just fine with me. As long as we are together, and my husband gets his coffee cake (some traditions will never change – important to know what battles to pick) things are perfect.

At 51 (almost 52!) I’ve come to believe traditions should be flexible and change or evolve to reflect a lifetime of accumulated experiences, your current circumstances and vision of self. This does not mean denying your past, as your past has shaped who you are today and how you see the world. But it may mean the way you have done things in the past is no longer the way to do them going forward. And we should all feel free to change, tweak, or even discard things which no longer serve us as they did in the past.

I would be curious to know what you think…feel free to email me at karyn@holos50.com or check out my Instagram @holos_midlife.

What Others Have to Say About Tradition

Given this topic has been on my mind for years, I was curious what others “out there” had to say about tradition. Perhaps unsurprisingly, there seems to be a consensus on the importance of tradition.

The Ipsos MORI Global Trends 2017 survey “interviewed over 18,000 people in 23 countries and found that globally 80% agreed that “traditions are an important part of society” and for all bar one country, Japan, this sentiment was increasing.”

I believe the reason for this is because “in our fast paced and ever changing lives and a world that appears to be in constant turmoil, traditions … offer constancy, stability, familiarity and a semblance of order and predictability to our existence. They comfort us, give us a sense of belonging, and make us feel safe and secure.”

However, for some, “tradition is the illusion of permanence.” And still others see a darker side to tradition. Henry S. Haskins believes “tradition is a prison with majority opinion the modern jailor.” And to quote Alfred Stiglitz, an American photographer, “I detest tradition for traditions sake; the half-alive; that which is not real. I feel no hatred of individuals, but of customs, traditions; superstition that go against life, against truth, against the reality of experience, against the spontaneous living out of the sense of wonder-of fresh experience, freshly seen and communicated.”

The perspective which resonated most with me? Tradition encourages us to "remember." Think, but remember. Question, but remember. Grow and change but remember. Remember who we are as humans, where we came from and how we can take the knowledge, wisdom and experiences transmitted to us from generations afar to live a life more beautiful - and more meaningful.”

Parting Thought

I believe traditions are important components of a grounded, meaningful life. But I also want to be careful, as Grace McGarvie says, to not to let “tradition be an excuse for acting without thinking.” I want to be intentional about the traditions in my life. And I want them to evolve and change as my life evolves and changes.

See you next week…