Finding Connection In Midlife
Where does one find connection and belonging in midlife? Frankly, I am not sure, and I need your help figuring it out so I can “finish” this post.
Therefore, I hope you will take a moment to read this short intro and respond in order to help answer the question, “How does one find connection and belonging in midlife and beyond?” Bullet points, a sentence or two, or even a paragraph all work. I hope to hear from as many of you as possible because I know we can inspire each other. All responses will be compiled (anonymously) and published as a future article. Please email me at karyn@holos50.com.
So how did we get to a place where this is even a question?
How Did We Get Here?
Before midlife, it seemed opportunities to find connections were easier. First there was college, then maybe grad school, work, or kids. But then you hit midlife (and beyond) and some of these opportunities disappear. You might retire or leave the corporate environment to set up shop for yourself, your kids grow up and you are no longer going to school fundraisers/volunteering in the classroom/or attending sports events, and everyone around you is busy with their own lives.
You wake up one day and you are sitting in your home office, staring out the window at Mt. Tam, and you realize, “wow, my world has become rather small.” For some this may be a relief, but for others, like me, you might be wondering, “How do I find more interaction and connection and a feeling of belonging to a broader community of people?”
From conversations with others, I am not the only one scratching their head on this topic. I was catching up with a friend the other day, and I was saying how much smaller my world had become since I left the museum. I had gone from being part of a 100+ organization, interfacing with a board of 32+ people, and interacting with hundreds of other people between visitors and donors. And now, not only is the sheer quantity of my interactions less but the majority of my interactions are almost entirely digital: my board work is mostly over Zoom, my volunteer mentoring takes place on the phone as my mentee lives in NYC, and my interviews for Holos are all over Zoom. My friend who retired from a large investment bank a few years ago also lives a more digital life and one with a smaller “footprint.” He has gone on to do board work and work part-time and almost all of this takes place remotely as well. His world has shrunk dramatically too.
His take was that this transition away from the workplace and to a more solitary existence was harder for our generation because we are socialized to be physically present with other people. He has decided he is ultimately OK with this change in circumstance. I am not so sure for myself which is what got me thinking about the question, “How do we build connections and belonging in midlife and beyond?”
Why Answering This Question Is Important
As social animals we not only crave connection, but we need it to thrive. And we all want to feel we belong to something and matter to others. Connection and community help us feel that our lives matter and give us a sense of purpose, happiness, and are vital for our health and longevity.
And the science proves this. A recent set of articles published by the Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley says strengthening core relationships is important for thriving in midlife. And in Connection: How to find the life you’re looking for in the life you have, the author “shows us that the way to achieve true happiness and fulfillment is not by striving toward them at all, but rather by cultivating connection in our everyday lives.” Connection: How to find the life you’re looking for in the life you have, Book Jacket, Sounds True publishing.
I know there is not one answer to this question which is why I am asking you all to chime in with your thoughts and experience. Plus, people always love to hear what others are doing!
Parting Thought
I would be very grateful if you would email me at karyn@holos50.com any thoughts or suggestions you have on how to find connection and build community in midlife. Our greatest inspirations come from those around us.
“The greatest gift of relationships proves to be that as a result of encountering each other, we are obliged to grow larger than we had planned.” ~ James Hollis
To be continued…
