Inspiration v. Aspiration
The concept of success is a bit of a demon for me. Perhaps even more so now in midlife. Why? For a couple of reasons. One, I still often equate a successful life with professional success (I know, I know). Two, like many people, I feel like I have “one more” in me and need to figure out where to direct my time and attention. And three, I believe success is one of the ideas we find ourselves struggling to redefine in midlife. We sense the definitions we have used in the past might not be useful going forward.
What prompted this round of success angst? Confusing inspiration and aspiration.
Aspiration v. Inspiration
Inspiration is a feeling of enthusiasm you get from someone or something, that gives you new and creative ideas.
Aspiration is a strong desire, longing, or aim; ambition: intellectual aspirations. a goal or objective that is strongly desired.
Extraordinary Human Accomplishments
I never pass up a story about extraordinary feats of accomplishment. And I am particularly attuned to stories of people overcoming a mental or physical challenge in addition to the difficulty of the feat itself. A great example is The Push, a movie about Grant Korgan’s incredible journey to the South Pole after a debilitating spinal cord injury.
However, the other day, I realized reading about or watching these feats of accomplishment both amazes me and can make me feel inadequate. Why? Because as a friend pointed out, I too easily confuse feelings of aspiration and inspiration.
As a result, feelings of competitiveness and comparison can end up overshadowing the awe and wonder I feel at what people are capable of accomplishing. I can end up feeling like I am not doing enough or trying hard enough. “Surely I can free solo El Cap if I just put my mind to it, right?” is my usual take-away from these situations. Even when I have no desire to climb El Cap at all!
Now this just might be me. According to CliftonsStrengths, an assessment tool which analyzes “your natural patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving,” my top two strengths are Achiever and Competition. According to the website, “Individually, each theme gives you a way to describe what you naturally do best.”
But what if in this case, my strengths are working against me? What if they are making it more difficult for me to define success for myself and live my own unique, wonderful life?
The Dark Path of Comparison
I strive to live my own life and not compare myself to others or measure myself by society’s or other’s definitions of success. And sometimes I am successful and sometimes I am not. And when I am not, it creates a feeling of pain on the soul level. In these situations, I need to remind myself that “not matching the idea of success others expect from you is only painful if that’s what you are seeking. You stand above the rat race and the pecking order, not outside of it, if you do so by choice.” Book Freak review of The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable by Nassim Nicholas Taleb.
I really do need to let go of measuring myself against others and society’s definition of success. And instead see stories of human accomplishment as inspiring evidence that anything is possible. At the same time, keeping in mind just because something is possible, doesn’t mean I need to aspire to it or feel inadequate because someone else accomplished something amazing.
Ultimately, I don’t need to measure myself against anything other than myself. This doesn’t mean letting myself off the hook. I still need goals and to push myself forward. But it is ultimately a personal journey.
Keeping Aspiration and Inspiration Separate
Focus on your values
Spend the time to get clear on what is important to you and the life you want to lead…write these down and review them regularly. You will feel most grounded and successful living a values driven life.
Set goals which matter to you, and you alone
See other’s accomplishments as inspiring examples of ways people have found joy, satisfaction, and purpose in their lives. Use these examples to stretch yourself to set goals which push you beyond status quo and extend the boundaries of what you think is possible in your own life.
Setting goals “not only motivates us but can improve our mental health and our level of personal and professional success.” If you are chasing other’s people’s dreams, there is no way you will have the time or energy to pursue your own.
Not everything in life is a competition
Remember, this isn’t a competition about who has done more or who has the coolest accomplishments (subjective!).
Aspire to be the best version of yourself by surrounding yourself with inspiring people who you see as successful, but don’t try to be them
“The Longevity Project, which studied over 1000 people from youth to death, came to the conclusion that: The groups you associate with often determine the type of person you become.” Barking Up the Wrong Tree blog
Parting Thought
Defining success for myself in this chapter of my life is something I think about a lot. Regularly reminding myself of the difference between aspirational and inspirational is an important piece of this work.
I obviously haven’t figured it out yet…I am definitely a work in progress! So, my guess is this will not be the last time I write about success, how to define it, and its part in living a happy, contented life.
See you next week…
