Hopeful In Midlife
I have been thinking about hope a lot for a while now. Why? Because life can feel overwhelming and bleak at times. While we made it through the pandemic we now face a war in Ukraine, rising tensions with China, inflation, and divisive (and unhelpful) political partisanship. I often feel I do not have the ability to make things better and at times I lack hope that things can get better.
Enter hope. A small but mighty word. Something we all need. And most importantly, something we can foster within ourselves.
Hope, per Oxford Languages, “is a person or thing that may help or save someone”. Reading this you might conclude that hope is something external to ourselves, but it does not have to be. Our best source of hope comes from within each of us. And I would argue fostering hope is something we are well equipped to embody in midlife. We have survived, accumulated wisdom and experience, and have many productive years of life ahead of us. So, if not us then who?
As Polina Pompliano says, “You’ve likely been in seemingly impossible situations — tight on money, failed in business, or lost a loved one. And here you are today, still alive, still breathing, still hopeful. The ability to build (and re-build) our lives deliberately is what gives us confidence in the face of uncertainty.” The Profile, March 12, 2023
Unlocking Hope
Hope = Your Thoughts + Your Actions
Over the last year I have become interested in Stoic philosophy and one of the foundational beliefs is that we only have control over ourselves: our thoughts and our actions. And it is here the internal seeds of hope can be found…in recognizing the control we do possess in our lives. How lucky are we to have a strategy which can be accessed anytime and anyplace!
So, now when I have feelings of overwhelm and hopelessness, I try to pause and to remind myself I have a choice. I, Karyn, get to choose what to think and how to act. As Epictetus, one of the Stoics, said “You can bind up my leg, but not even Zeus has the power to break my freedom of choice. ~Epictetus, Discourses, 1.1.23, Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic, p. 268
We have agency in our lives through the thoughts we hold and the choices we make. And through these ultimately the ability to positively impact our own lives as well as the world we live in. If that isn’t hope, I don’t know what is.
Choosing Choice
Pause for a moment and ask yourself, "Why would you give away your right to choose how you think and act, something which no one can take without your permission?" Within these choices lies power. And the power we exercise through our daily thoughts and actions is a source of hope.
I worry that it has become so acceptable and almost admirable to be a victim, to give this power. Why do we give up agency over our lives so easily? Why do we constantly look to others for answers and fall prey to believing our happiness is subject to external forces?
As Jim Dethmer says, "A sure way for me to blunt my aliveness, my day-to-day experience of my vitality, is to live in victimhood, blame the weather, blame the traffic. What I notice is, if I stop blaming and I choose to move the locus of control back over here, and I choose to have agency, to be responsible for my experience, not the external world, but to be responsible for my experience, there’s a surge of energy that comes back in the body." ~ Farnam Street newsletter, March 12, 2023
By taking control of our thoughts and actions/reactions we can find our way back to hope. Let our choices be ones which inspire hope, in ourselves and in others.
Parting Thought
Today I choose hope. I will focus on what I can control, the words I use and the actions I take, big and small. I will hold myself accountable to myself, knowing each thought and action also contributes to the collective good. I will endeavor to come from a place of love. Just imagine for the moment the impact of millions of tiny, positive thoughts and actions coming from a place of love. That is how hope becomes reality.
“The new dawn blooms as we free it. For there is always light if only we’re brave enough to see it, if only we’re brave enough to be it.”
~National Youth Poet Laureate, Amanda Gorman
To be continued…
