Embracing The Ebbs & Flows
Recovery from any injury can be tedious, and although I am trying to keep a positive attitude, I am only 4 weeks into it and have many more weeks to go. The jury is still out on whether or not I have been successful in maintaining a positive attitude.
Being sidelined for such an extended period of time has made me reflect that our lives unfold like a slowly meandering river, ebbing and flowing over the course of their journeys. And despite what we may think, we do not have complete control over the direction or the speed.
This is not to say we have no control, for I do not believe this to be true. We can always choose what attitude to maintain, to do our best, and to be curious. But we are all on some level, subject to the swirling energies around us which most definitely are not within our control.
But the more we embrace this lack of control, the more graceful we can be in those moments when our lives are ebbing rather than flowing. I write this today as much as anything as a reminder to myself!
Embracing the Ebbs
If you have not embraced the ebbs of your life by now, midlife is the perfect time to start. We have lived long enough to know from personal experience that things don’t always go as planned. And yet, we still usually reach our destination or recognize that the detour we had to take was perhaps better for us in the long run.
So how to embrace the ebbs:
One, try to keep in mind some tasks cannot be rushed. They take the time they take, no matter how much you might like to hurry them along. For example, healing bone and soft tissue, say from a knee replacement generally takes 6 – 12 weeks to heal. I may be able to get closer to the 6 week mark if my surgery went well and I am diligent with my PT, but the body still takes a certain amount of time to heal. It is much less stressful to just relax and let things take the time they take.
Two, some things are dependent upon the actions of others and not within your ability to control. Their timing, not yours, will dictate the outcome. For example, maybe you cannot wait to be an empty nester but if your child is only in 8th grade, you have some time to go!
Third, unexpected stops and detours are unavoidable in life. So rather than resist and get upset when they occur, learn to embrace them with curiosity and grace. And where warranted a sense of humor and perhaps even adventure.
Fourth, do not dwell on what you are missing out on. It will not do any good and everyone else is so busy they probably don’t even know you are not there.
The beauty of the ebbs of our lives is they give us time to rest, recharge, and reflect. And learning to embrace the ebbs of life is equally as important as being all in on the flows (which I think our society better conditions us to do). A well lived life is not linear but full of zigs and zags. And before you know it you will be thrust back into the flow of your life, as nothing lasts forever.
What Gets in the Way
Learning to embrace the ebbs of your life also means learning to recognize what can get in the way.
One, always thinking that more is better. If you are sidelined, and find yourself thinking you not accomplishing enough, “Ask yourself, enough of what?”
Two, holding on to some theoretical list of tasks which “need” to get done or be achieved so you can say you have lived a good or successful life. There is no such scorecard.
Third, comparing yourself to others. In almost every situation, outside of an athletic contest, this will lead you astray and result in unhappiness.
And fourth, believing you have to live your whole life with the same level of intensity. When in fact, we don’t always have to work and push forward at the same pace. Often some of our greatest accomplishments and achievements come when we are in a relaxed state of flow.
Parting Thought
My goal after this recent experience is to think about time more like this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, “This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.” I want to have the courage and the grace to embrace the ebbs and flows of my life equally.
To be continued…
