Can I “Be” 20 at 53?
If you read last week’s piece, you know I just dropped off my second son at college. As we drove away after our final goodbyes, I thought, “Who doesn’t want to be Harrison right now?” Suspended in the liminal space between childhood and adulthood for the next 4 years.
Transitional times like college are important for personal growth and I would argue midlife is one of these times. And upon reflection what we get out of our journey through midlife is not much different than Harrison’s time as a college student. We get time to reflect on the past, to know ourselves more deeply, to get clearer about what we like and dislike, and to identify the steps we need to take to live the life we want.
Buried here in the midst of midlife and on the cusp of an empty nest, I am obsessed with the optimism, energy, and excitement which my late teen/early 20s kids possess. They are a regular reminder of how I want to live, like I am 20 but with the wisdom and insights but not the weight of 53 years of life.
So the question is, can I be more like I am 20 when I am 53? I am just beginning to explore this question is here is what I have so far.
Do Not Give Up…Ever!
My kids see a world of possibilities, they are not weighed down by responsibility and possessions, and they embody a lightness of being I wish for myself. They have no problem prioritizing fun and doing what brings them joy. They approach their lives with optimism, energy, and excitement.
So what gets in the way of living a life full of optimism, energy, and excitement?
Lack of energy, tired, stuck in a rut, stressed, pulled in a thousand directions, unfulfilled…these are all words commonly associated with midlife. And these are the things which diminish our optimism, drain our energy, and dull our excitement.
Is it because we find a moral righteousness in being responsible. We take on more and more, beyond what is necessary, to prove something? Do we weigh ourselves down with heaps and heaps of stuff all in the pursuit of living the “good life”? Imagine if all your possessions had to fit in a dorm room. You might not feel so weighed down. And do we forget to define success on our own terms, so we end up chasing goals and filling our days with activities/people/tasks which we do not care about let alone get excited about?
It is not to say everyone arrives in midlife like this…there are those people who have not fallen victim to this version of adulthood. They march to their own drum, they are responsible but not too responsible, they do not overcommit themselves out of FOMO, and seem to get that physical “things” can act as anchors.
Finding A Path Back (or Forward)
At 53 I am beginning to see how I want to live my next 47 years (I am still convinced I will live to at least 100). I definitely do not want to be a boomer…a word which my children occasionally throw out as a casual insult. Instead I want the energy to stay up late, I want to hang out with my friends and have adventures, I do not want to feel constrained by “I should” or “I have to,” and I want to do things for the sole reason I think they are fun.
So, can I live like I am 20 when I am 53? Can I recapture the energy, enthusiasm, and excitement of my younger self?
The answer is yes, but it depends on a few things. One is mindset. To avoid the curse of middle age I vow to try new things, to put myself in situations to meet new people and to make new friends, and to stay abreast of new trends and fads (although I may not follow them). I vow to not be lazy and do the same things over and over just because “I like the things I like” or that is the way I have always done them.
The second is to occasionally act frivolously and not take life so seriously.
And third, I need to get better at recognizing when I have enough. Harder than it might seem if my closet is any indication. Enough is simplification of life. And simplification means less things, less commitments, and less obligations. It requires using my calendar to structure an intentional day versus a day dictated by others and prioritizing time for people and activities I am excited about. I should know by now that if I am not excited as I put it in my calendar, I will probably not be excited when the event rolls around.
And lastly, to embrace all life has to offer at any age takes courage and humility. The courage to try new things and to stop doing or say no to things which no longer serve you. And the humility to be a beginner again.
So yes, I can be 20 again at 53, it is just going to take some intentionality.
Parting Thought
Before I had kids I thought the learning would be in one direction, from adult to child. I could not have been more wrong as I have learned so much from my children over the years.
To be continued…
