The Midlife “Mehs”
Do you have those days when everything is meh? If your day was a color, it would be beige, if it was a food, it would be the blandest oatmeal, and if it was a piece of clothing, it would be a pair of old, baggy grey sweatpants. Nothing is inspiring, everything feels the same, the future is not bright, shiny and beckoning to you, and you might even feel overwhelmed.
You sit there thinking to yourself, “Is this all there is?” “Do I have nothing to look forward to?” All you want to do is wallow in “woe is me.”
This roller coaster of emotions and feelings is one of the aspects I find most frustrating about the journey through midlife. Two weeks ago, I was having a great time in Moab with our youngest. We were hiking, kayaking, hot air ballooning, and base jumping. Life was great!
Then two weeks later, I woke up with a bad case of the “mehs.” I was grumpy, prickly, and generally felt out of sorts. I proceeded to drag myself through my day and into the next. My energy was low, I was not motivated to work, and had no desire to do anything.
Role of Hormones
Could it be my hormones? “According to Mayo Clinic doctors, declining estrogen and progesterone levels can interfere with your sleep, make your moods vacillate, and reduce your energy levels….menopause can also contribute to decreased interest in things you used to enjoy.” All I have to say is, “check!”
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) has definitely helped, and I don’t have as many of these moments as I did before starting HRT. But what about women who can’t take HRT? An even for those who can, it doesn’t mean you won’t suffer from the “mehs” at some point.
So, what can you do?
Send “Meh” Packing
Fortunately, there are tips and hacks you can use to trick yourself back into feeling more like yourself.
Rebuild Your Foundations
Prioritize and nourish the foundational pillars of your life. Often when I feel meh it is because I have neglected 1 or more of my pillars. The pillars which keep me even keeled are meditating in the morning, getting a good night of sleep, exercise, foam rolling & journaling before bed, and eating well. As I think back, while travelling and then the first week back, I didn’t eat as well, I wasn’t sleeping well, and I didn’t journal, or foam roll once.
Embrace It
Respect your feelings by recognizing and embracing them. I realized a few years ago one of the best ways to get out of a bad mood was to go all in and let myself really feel it. This was not something I was allowed to do growing up…I was expected to pretend everything was OK, all the time. How unrealistic is that? So, I have had to learn to give myself permission to feel this way.
However, I do have a few rules for myself. It can’t go on for more than 2 days. I can be lazy and slothful and push off anything not time sensitive. Ironically by giving myself permission to be in this darker place, these moods don’t usually last more than a day and I have not had to use up my full 2-day allotment.
It doesn’t mean I am back to 100% the following day, it just means I’m not at the bottom of the pit of despair any longer. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and the sun peaking over the horizon.
Dislodge It
I recently came across Dislodge It in a Growth Equation blog post. While written mainly in the context of performance, it has broader uses. For example, “If your problem is that you feel like you can’t get out of bed, you may need to jump in an ice bath. Why? Because jumping in something cold sends a surge of adrenaline through your body, taking you away from the chronic moderate arousal that is often associated with anxiety, giving you a giant hit of the substance, and then a rapid return down to near zero.”
As the author goes on to say, “It’s when we need our perspective shifted…In the case of feeling like you are languishing, we realign the chronically stimulated brain and body that we have thanks to social media, the internet, and always-on news, to the way our stress response system was supposed to work: rapid on, rapid off.”
Pretty powerful advice and one I am going to try the next time I get the “mehs.”
Gratitude
“Research has shown that gratitude can improve general well-being, increase resilience, strengthen social relationships, and reduce stress and depression. The more grateful people are, the greater their overall well-being and life satisfaction. Grateful people also have a greater capacity for joy and positive emotions.”
I sometimes wish having a gratitude practice wasn’t so powerful as it can feel like one more thing to do in the morning. But on the other hand, I am grateful that it is so powerful because it is accessible to everyone and free.
Exercise
I know you were hoping to not see this on the list, but it is one of the most effective ways to banish the “mehs.” According to the Mayo Clinic, “Exercise increases your overall health and your sense of well-being…It pumps up your endorphins…your brain's feel-good neurotransmitters.”
You don’t have to set out with big goals, maybe just a walk around the block. And while you are out, you might just find you want to walk a little longer.
Time Outside
There is nothing like time outside to restore a sense of calm, a more positive outlook, and peace. In fact, “Scientists are beginning to find evidence that being in nature has a profound impact on our brains and our behavior, helping us to reduce anxiety, brooding, and stress, and increase our attention capacity, creativity, and our ability to connect with other people.”
Another way to increase life satisfaction is through awe. And as I wrote about in a previous issue, nature is one of the best sources for finding moments of awe. Try and “awe walk.” Get outside for 15-20 minutes and prime your brain by setting an intention to experience awe. Then head outside and find things to marvel at…the beauty of a flower or a beautiful sunset.
A Good Night’s Sleep
No other way to say it, being tired sucks. And when you are tired, it is challenging to see the world through rose colored glasses.
Make sleep a priority for a few nights. Skip the wine, turn off your screens at least an hour before bed, do some relaxing breathing (I’ve linked to any easy one here on my Instagram), or take an Epsom salt bath before bed.
And make sure your room is dark, your phone is in the kitchen, grab some earplugs, turn on the sound machine…make your room as ideal as possible for a great night of sleep.
Connection to Others
Your relationships with others, your partner and friends are important when you feel down. They can lend an ear to listen or commiserate if you need. They make you feel loved, connected, and valued…all which nourish your soul and give value and meaning to life.
When my kids were small and went to bed before me, I loved burying my face in their necks while they were asleep…somehow their clean baby smell and innocence was an anecdote to feeling meh.
Eat Dark Chocolate
Not sure about this one but it works for me!
Parting Thought
There is such pressure to always be our best selves. But sometimes we just don’t feel like it. And I think, if it is only occasionally, it is OK. Maybe it is our body and soul’s way of saying, “Hey, its time to right the ship so we can steady on.”
See you next week…
