Staying Grounded In A Changing World

Change is inevitable – not only are we are we constantly evolving and changing but so is the world around us. Having a sense of purpose and living a values driven life is important for feeling grounded, fulfilled, and finding success.

However, sometimes it can be difficult amid the busyness of our lives to see our paths with clarity. Fortunately, there are people like Anne Pillsbury to help us successfully navigate the important junctures of our lives. 

Anne is a Certified Professional Coach who works with women to help them find the clarity and courage to pivot to careers and lives of greater meaning, ease, and joy. I hope you enjoy our conversation.

Karyn: Midlife can be a time of deep reflection for many women. Why do you believe the question of purpose and the intense desire to find purpose is so strong at this stage?

Anne: When we hit midlife, we have a spiritual awakening of sorts. You realize the first half of your life is over and you feel a sense of urgency to find direction for the second half.

Up to this point most of us have been hustling for all we are worth, doing what society expects, and taking care of others. We haven’t had time to put ourselves first. Many women feel deep fatigue and burnout caused by a constant striving for perfection and achievement in pursuit of success. Growing up we are taught success is contingent upon these things. Then we achieve “success”, but we don’t feel peace, accomplishment, or fulfillment. 

We begin to question what we were taught.

Most of my clients come to me because they are looking for meaning in their lives. They find themselves asking, “Is this it?” “What am I meant to do here?” “How do I find more fulfillment and joy?” “How can I have an impact and create a legacy for my children?”

Karyn: How does defining success for yourself factor into identifying and pursuing your purpose? 

Anne: We are told our worth is contingent on our successes which are often defined by culture. And our culture often defines success as achievement, making money, having financial security, climbing the corporate ladder, or being Chief Marketing Officer. But at a certain point, many find this unfulfilling and start to question this definition of success. 

Your worth is innate, not contingent on external achievement. Knowing your values and gifts and understanding what is important to you is a better way of defining success for yourself. Living your life according to these will feel more fulfilling, purposeful, and successful. 

Karyn: Finding one’s purpose can mean making big changes. What are common signs someone need to make a pivot?

Anne: There are a couple of common signs. One is you feel stuck. You know the status quo isn't working for you, but you can't figure out the next step. Normally you might be able to but you find yourself asking, “Why can’t I figure it out this time?” 

Physical symptoms can also be a sign. You might feel anxious, exhausted, or burned out. And if you are not feeling fulfilled at work or at home you might feel terrible most of the time.

Feelings of resentment are a big one. Resentment can look like anger, or it can feel like, “I just wish everybody in my life would get their shit together so I can do what I want to do.” Often, we think resentment is about anger, but it is about envy.

So, when you feel resentment, ask yourself which of your needs are not being met. Then figure out what boundaries you need to set, where you need to be saying “no,” and how you can shift from trying to do it all to putting yourself first.

Lastly, it can look like guilt. On the outside your life might look pretty good and you feel you should be grateful. But at the same time, you have a nagging feeling there should be more, that there is something else you are meant to do.

Karyn: In your own life pivots, how do you free yourself from “expectation and overwhelm” to realize your dreams and goals? 

Anne: I start by refocusing on my purpose and working to get clear on and reconnect to my values, gifts, and skills. Then I prioritize building quiet into my day so I can hear my inner wisdom. This helps me get out of my head and away from my inner critic.

To find stillness and quiet I like to walk in the woods without music or podcasts, meditate, do yoga, or have a conversation with a good friend. 

I also usually seek support in the form of a coach or a therapist. This helps me get out of my own way and gives me a safe space and additional perspective! 

Karyn: Our minds have built in defense mechanisms when it comes to change, can you offer a few suggestions to circumvent these mechanisms?

Anne: Humans are wired for connection and belonging as a survival strategy. So, when we think about making big changes our inner critic becomes active. It is trying to save us from potentially risky actions which might result in criticism, failure, and rejection. It wants us to remain part of the tribe.

Your inner critic might say you are being unrealistic, you are not qualified, you are too old or too young…whatever will keep you paralyzed and prevent you from making a pivot. To circumvent this voice, you must learn to manage your self-doubt and your inner critic. 

Managing the inner critic is a daily practice. The first step is differentiating between the inner critic voice and your true voice. An easy way to recognize the difference is your inner critic voice will always be harsh and speak in a way you would never talk to anyone. Be warned, your inner critic is binary and can convincingly sound like the voice of reason. It might tell you you're being unrealistic or you're not ready yet. 

I developed the CALM Method to help you quieten your inner critic and give your Sage the floor to speak instead. In this four-step process you will learn to:

C- Call out your critic

A-Activate your sage

L-Listen to your Sage Wisdom

M-Make a move

Implementing the CALM method helps you start taking aligned action towards your goals.

Karyn: You use a proprietary process, “The Meant for Method” with your clients. Can you briefly describe your process?

Anne: I have developed an approach which leverages my personal experience, my coach training, and brain science into a process I call the Meant for More Method. This is a one-on-one coaching program which gives you everything you need to create the life and career you want in 180 days.

The process has 3 phases. The first, Reclamation, is about reclaiming who you are, defining success on your terms, connecting to your values, identify your strengths and purpose, and identifying a compelling vision for your future and a plan to get there. 

Identifying a big, bold vision is critical. This vision should be a stretch and a little scary. It is not important in the beginning to know how you're going to realize it, that comes later. 

The second phase is Release. We pinpoint problems and obstacles to your fulfillment and shift your mindset and behaviors, so you are calm, clear, and confident as you take steps toward your vision. 

Rise is the third phase. Grounded in your wisdom and your deepest desires you allow the “shoulds” to fall away. You use design thinking principles including curiosity, bias to action, reframing, radical collaboration, authentically connecting, and building networks to reveal unknown opportunities and realize your vision.

What I love about this program is it is toolkit that can be used over and over for designing a well-lived life.

Parting Thought

Anne has generously offered to share with Holos readers the full CALM method training to manage self-doubt, which she uses with clients. You can access it here. And if you are curious about Anne’s 1:1 coaching program, the Meant for More Method, you can contact her here.

Lastly, to continue this conversation on designing a well-lived life you can follow Anne on:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/annepillsbury/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/awpillsbury/?hl=en

Anne Pillsbury helps women pivot to careers of greater fulfillment, impact, and ease without second-guessing, endlessly scrolling job boards, or sacrificing their family's financial security. She is an ICF-certified coach, serial reinventor, and mom to 4. 

After devoting 16 years to raising her kids she relaunched her Marcom career within the face-paced tech sector starting as a 45-year-old intern. 

Over the ensuing 8 years, she had multiple opportunities both professional and personal to master the art of the pivot while managing a family of 6. 

She learned how to free herself from expectations and overwhelm to find the clarity, confidence, and courage to go after what she wants. Leveraging her personal experience, coach training, and brain science she developed the Meant for More Method, a 1:1 coaching program that gives you everything you need to create the career and life you really want in 180 days.