Embrace Doing Less
My husband was away for 5 days recently, representing all of us at a family event (T&M, I was sad to miss it!). In anticipation of him being gone, I did something unusual for me. Months ago, when the trip was planned, I blocked out the time in my calendar. Other than a walk with a friend, an interview for Holos, and a celebration of life for a friend who recently passed, I kept the time free.
Now you might be thinking, “Well that doesn’t really seem like keeping your calendar free.” But historically I would have let my calendar fill up indiscriminately with whatever begged to be added.
The result of having so much unscheduled time? I spent the 5 days in a blissful state of flow. I felt in harmony with myself. I could hear myself think and intuit what I needed. My time felt richer, more purposeful, and better used.
And when 5 o’clock rolled around I wasn’t exhausted. And surprisingly, everything important got done.
Slowing It Down
I used those 5 days to experiment with something I have been thinking about, slowing down the pace of my life. To be clear, I don’t mean being less engaged. In fact, my goal is to find deeper engagement with myself, my kids, my husband, and my life by doing less.
Slowing down for those 5 days didn’t mean my days were not full. They were but they had space for each activity. My time was spent on activities and pursuits I valued. Everything I did got the time and attention it deserved. I wasn’t rushing from thing to thing.
Maybe I don’t need as many people, commitments, projects, activities, responsibilities, etc. in my life to be happy and fulfilled as I think I do or as society wants me to think. I have my family, my friends, work, a few volunteer commitments…maybe this is enough? Why do I chase more?
Because I am chasing “more” and trying to “get it all done,” I often feel I am living at 100 miles an hour, all the time. Like many of us, I tend to over schedule myself. And I’m not exactly sure why. It is probably a combination of having a lot I want to do, being terrified of being bored, wanting a long list of things to rattle off when someone asks, “What have you been up to?” and a bit of FOMO.
And I think I am addicted to being busy.
Rethinking Busyness
For a long time, perhaps all my adult life, I have prided myself on how much I could accomplish in a day. I believed a meaningful and productive day was one where not a moment was wasted. I put “doing” on a pedestal.
One of the downsides to this approach is prioritizing and finding value in busyness rather than pursuits which might have more meaning. For example, it is hard for me to read for pleasure during the day unless on vacation. I always think how much I could “get done” in that time instead. I love to read and it makes me sad to write these words. How can I not see it as a good use of time?
Measuring each day by how much one gets done is an exhausting way to live. In the long run it only leads to burnout and a lack of satisfaction in life. And yet, this is one of the ways our society measures success and ascribes value.
A New Reality
I am determined to change this paradigm for myself. Why? Because I want to live a more present life. I want to find joy and purpose in how I spend most of my time. And I am tired of living life on a treadmill.
So, I am going to strive to do less to have more. More freedom, less stress, more fulfillment. I will continue trying to say “no” more than “yes.” I will focus on spending more time on activities and with people which bring me joy. I will be intentional with my time and try to spend it in ways which align with my values. I will continue to work on how I define success.
I need to be courageous and live my life on my terms.
One of the items I will make more room for, reading more. In this era of soundbites and 280-character counts, I find myself wanting to go deeper. To have time to explore the nuances, mysteries, and duality of ideas. To have time to become absorbed in the full story, not just the tiny increments I get if I only read for 20 – 30 minutes. The bonus? The stack of unread books next to my bed will get smaller.
Now I am not naïve to think every day can be this way. I do have 3 kids, a husband, a newsletter to write, friends and family to see, places I want to go, and a couple of volunteer commitments. There will be moments and phases when doing less might not be possible. But when that happens, I will pay attention and not let it become the new normal.
Doing less does not mean I won’t embrace new activities, new friendships, or new projects. What it does mean is I will intentionally evaluate all my commitments from time to time and get rid of those that no longer bring me joy or spark my interest. In this way, I can continue to grow, evolve, and pursue new passions without jumping back on the hamster wheel.
The bottom line, I have a choice (most days) of what I commit to, what I say “no” to, and what goes on my calendar. I need to remind myself of this constantly. And if I pay attention to my gut, I know how I feel about each thing in my life. I know how much joy, fulfillment, and purpose each provides.
Parting Thought
It has been said you can’t have it all. I don’t believe this to be true. What I do believe to be true is you can’t have it all at the same time. Thinking in longer time frames might just be the answer. And doing less might be the fastest easiest way to get more out of life.
See you next week…
