A Mother’s Day Twist
First, 2 announcements!
I want to kick off this week by introducing you to the More Beautiful podcast which I was on last week. Hosted by the amazing Maryann LaRusso, the More Beautiful podcast is for women over 40 who are determined to rewrite the midlife playbook. In last week’s episode we talked about how our generation is doing midlife differently than our parents and grandparents, the power of thinking about your life in chapters, and how thanks to technology we have access to so much more information to prolong our health and longevity.
And second, on Tuesday’s going forward I will post a Challenge of the Week on Instagram. These will be easy, fun hacks for navigating the midlife journey.
Now to the main event…
Motherhood
My youngest recently decided to go to boarding school next year. And soon I will begin a new chapter in my life.
What this means I do not yet know. However, in reflecting on this upcoming Mother’s Day with friends, I realized I have not ever truly stopped to appreciate what becoming a mother has meant for my life.
And so, today’s issue is a short reflection on what I owe my kids. And on Sunday, instead of them celebrating me, I am going to take the opportunity to intentionally spoil them rotten. I want to thank them for the richness they have added to my life and for helping me become a better person.
A little more than 19 years ago I had my first child. And to be honest, I was completely unprepared for the job of being a mother, or so I thought. I did not realize it would make my professional full-time job look like a part-time job, there were no perks, no days off, I couldn’t move to a different department, or quit.
I remember arriving home from the hospital and placing Hunter’s car seat with him in it on the coffee table. My husband and I then looked at each other and said, “Now what?”
Fortunately, I grew with the job. Over the coming days, weeks, months, and years I figured it out through trial and error. I have enjoyed some stages and parts more than others. I already miss the excitement and wonder of my kids on Christmas morning and the joy they get from eating a stack of pancakes. But I also hope I never have to work carline again and I look forward to never making a sack lunch.
What They Taught Me
What I did not know about becoming a mother is how much I would learn from my kids and from being a mom.
First, it has been a lesson in patience. No matter how much you want your kids to dress themselves or put on their own shoes, you cannot simply wish it into being or rush a stage. You must go through the mundane (and sometimes frustrating) task of dressing them over and over and over until one day they declare they are old enough to do it themselves. And then their shirt will be on backwards.
And you learn to let things go. To focus on what is truly important. So what if they want to wear pajamas to school every day, or their batman costume in April, or their shoes on the wrong feet. Does it really matter? Instead, I learned to put my energy and focus into areas like manners, gratitude, and respect.
I have become a more generous person because I want them to be generous. I must model for them how to move through the world thinking of others first. To be grateful for all they have, for what others do for them, and to consider what they can do for others.
Parenting is a lesson in humility. There is no instruction manual and no road map. It is guaranteed you will make mistakes along the way. You do the best you can and know there is always tomorrow and a chance to do it all over again, hopefully better.
It is also about learning forgiveness. To forgive myself when I make a mistake, miss a game or performance, or snap at my kids. I am human and to be human is to be imperfect. I must remember my kids are human too. If it is impossible for me to be perfect, how can I expect them to be perfect? Growing up is a messy business.
Kids teach you to think on your feet. And often there is no right answer. No one prepares you for what to say when your 7-year-old announces from the back seat, “Santa is not real.” And then proceeds to give you a list of credible reasons why he is not real. To shoot these down would have undermined his quite sound logic. So instead, you pivot and ask if he believes in magic. And when he answers, “Yes.” You say, “Well, is not the world a more interesting place with magic in it?” Who knows if it was the best response? All I know is Santa continued to come to our house for years.
It teaches you to find joy and wonder in small moments. A baby’s first smile, steps, or words. The thrill of learning something new. It makes you see the world around you with fresh eyes. To know being alive is a momentous and wonderous thing.
And most important of all, they taught me love matters more than anything else in this world.
Parting Thought
So, to my children…I love you more than anything, thank you for being patient with me, and teaching me so much.
See you next week…
